Hanging on a rope

Cloud 20

It all started with a strong
Imaginative and firm planning
For the unquenchable
Thirst to “be free”
Free from the life-form “Me”

Then as the plan took its small
Little steps
The works of other people
On how they did it
Came to my interest

Sometimes during my work hours
My feeble heart disturbed
Sometimes the warmth of me
Proved cold in my guts

Sometimes I became passionate
About life
Thinking that my one true goal
Was wrong “to take away my life”

But I’m sorry, I am downed
In the river of death
As if it has a soul of itself
I am dancing to its tune
Breathing the few last moments

After a long breathtaking
Defeat from life
Long after I was marked
“Truly negative inside”
I finally decided the “day to die”

It was one of those Thursday’s
Which I chose
For on this day of the week
To me always “bad things would happen”

I bought the ropes which was hanging
On my terrace
Cut them and tied according
Right to its measurements

I rethought if I was forgetting anything
Because once the process starts
I will be able to do nothing

I reshuffled the mind palace of mine
Hoping for “one single memory” to live
And not to “leave this life”

But I was wrong,
There was nothing there
But destruction
Memories broken
Like shattered glasses
Like futility unchallenged

I climbed up the chair
My very last mountain
I placed the rope on the beam on top
And tied a knot for myself

I placed my neck in-between
The firm grip of ropes
That it presses my skin
I thought it would be enough to kill “Me”

I kicked for the last time
The chair below
For I knew it would be the end of me
Hanging on a rope

For a few seconds I grasped
For breath
For the entire weight of me
Was on my neck

For a few moments I think
I went into shock
But then I think, after that
I didn’t come back

Now I’m sitting beside death
I am a ghost now, of my own self

Now my body is
Hanging on a rope
And I’m free at-last, I hope

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